small things

small things
And there was light

Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Unsent!! The Unread

One of the days of 2004

There are so many things she always wanted to say but now writing them coz they had to come out becoz it had to take shape of words. The more she knew him more she wanted to learn about him. She wanted to be there with him, for him. Her fondest dream is of then being together and being in love together. There's just some wonderful feeling about him that has struck her deep inside.

He dazzled her with his presence. Ever since she was young, she had a romantic dream. She'd meet some incredible person who'd knock her off her feet, and they'd live happily ever after. As she grew up she had forgotten this dream for quite some time but some how he started the spark again in her.

The real world often falls short of our fantasies, the dream was seen by a kid a kid who under stood a little about this real world but now when she had actually fallen in love with him she realized things are not so simple as they were in the eyes of a kid. When few years of her adulthood passed she was very happy that she have grown up as a strong person who is least bothered about feelings and emotions like love, he was then someone with whom she can never be with. Today she couldnt deny this fact that what she avoided for years has happened.

What was the magic of last two years that he spelled on her, he was the person whom she didn't like initially, she fought badly with. Arghhh!!!! life isnt that easy these days, he said they are just meant to be friends. No she did not cry that day though felt like crying a lot but somehow her tears dried up.

Thought may be this was the destiny, thought may be her feelings were just infatuation, and will go with time. Never had the least idea that the feelings will get stronger and stronger for him. But he was her friend and she couldnt leave him or stop talking to him She felt that she is losing control over her feelings and and is being enslaved by them.

She started reading but she would think about him she cannot concentrate on any work she would  go to college her eyes started searching for him. When she would close  her eyes she would see him and dream about him. She would want to talk to him but I don't know what stops her from calling him. She would wait all throughout the day thinking about that he might call tonight. Sometimes she would spend sleepless nights just thinking about that the next moment her phone would ring and if she is asleep she will miss it. I don't know what desire remains in her heart to hear his voice to talk to him.   A call from him makes her day. I wish she could tell him this but her own rules which  she has set for herself stops her from doing so and incidentally he also  believes in same things……… life has played a bad joke with her.

She really wished she could spend a day with him; they'd enjoy each other's company.She'll hold his hands stroll in the beach and they'd talk about everything.

She wished she could spend an evening with him, and  cherish each minute that they're together, she'd stare into his deep eyes, and, without a single word, he'd know all her feelings.She wished she could hold his hand look into his eyes and say I love you. She wished  she could hold him tight and say you are forever mine.

But who was she fooling she knew he is not meant for her. He never loved her and never will love her but she can't stop her heart from loving him. When he is in front of her it's in her eyes, he always lit her up and I guess he can see it. Many a times she felt like getting down on her knees and telling him she wanted him to be with her throughout her life, She wanted to be the person he ever loves  but……there's a little scope of  both of them sharing any other relationship than friendship.

She doesn't want him to know it because they can't be together probably they are not meant for each other. Sometimes she feels he knows everything because before being her love he is her friend and a great friend who knows very well about her, who can hear those unspoken words clearly but she knows it, there's nothing on his side except a life long promise of friendship.

One of the days of 2011

7 years gone by what change she sees.... and the answer is 'nothing' yes she has grown up by 7 more years. Yes she claims she has moved on but has it really changed... even a pic of him a call of him lits her up till today they way it did years back. Madness doesnt persists for long probably love does, every day gives her a reason to love him the next day. But nothing has changed except the love growing old with time.

Tonight, as every other night, She'll dream that he is with her and they are  lost in each others' eyes lost in each others' arms.

Yes its one of those things that never changes..its just today it became part of my blog.... 

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